


A Platonic love like no other

by Mysticmcknight



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 04:31:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10846530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: Garak wants to move his relationship with Bashir forward, but that may not be possible.





	A Platonic love like no other

**Author's Note:**

> Like all my DS9 stories, this one was written many years ago.

After five years, Garak had had enough games, enough lies, and enough dancing around the edges of his desire for the beautiful human doctor that held his every thought. He was going to confront Julian this evening, thus his dinner invitation. He would ply the sweet youth of a man with some drink, good food and then moved him to the couch, where he would once and for all endeavor to speak his heart and hope for the best. 

As Garak looked about his quarters, the room lit with candles, the air filled with sweet sounds of human jazz, something he himself also liked, and the fragrance of a home cooked meal; human and Cardassian, he wondered once more if this was a good idea. //I could not have been wrong about all those stolen looks and those hidden wistful sighs,// he told himself, to once more keep him on track. 

He placed the Bajoran wine in the container of ice, already chilled, just as the chime sounded. He straightened his silver gray tunic that enhanced the fit of his silver and black pants, as he took the few steps needed to open the door manually. "Ah, Doctor, come in please." He smiled warmly, his eyes drinking in the copper toned skin of the exotic beauty before him, who was dressed in a simple long forest green shirt, which hung loosely over loose fitting tan slacks; Julian looked wonderful in anything, but he didn't appear to be dressed for a date, though he looked well dressed none the less. 

"Evening, Garak," Julian replied in his warm softly accented voice as he entered the Cardassian's quarters and took a sniff, "Hmmm, divine," he smiled. "I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of bringing some desert; I splurged and bought some of the chocolate cheesecake we both love so much," he grinned wickedly, knowing that Garak had been grumbling for weeks about his weight. 

"Ah, Doctor, you shouldn't have," Garak replied, but all too eagerly taking the offered box that housed the offending item and placing it on the table. 

Within moments the two men engaged in their usually high strung and witty conversations about literature, art, music, that latest gossip…it didn't matter to them, they both simply enjoyed the other's conversation and companionship, the topic of choice was inconsequential. But soon the meal was done and so was the cheesecake…the entire thing, half going to each guilty party, which left half a bottle of wine and a conversation that Garak was still nervous about. 

Julian helped him clear the dishes, which he assured the good doctor that he would take care of them later, escorted him to the sofa, another glass of wine each. Julian looked very relaxed and content, he was still unsure if now was a good time, //when ever will there be a good time?// he asked himself. Convinced that now would be best, he slid a little closer to the young healer. "Doctor, I was wondering if I may be so blunt as to ask you a question?" he asked, still debating if he should be direct or subtle. True, he preferred subtlety in most things, but either Julian was not as observant as he was in other areas or not inclined to take the bait…he decided to be uncharacteristically direct. 

Julian gave a simple warm smile as he looked upon him, then his dark eyes drew closer with concern, having noticed the intensity within Garak's own expression. "Of course you can ask me anything," he replied easily. "Is there something wrong?" 

"No, nothing is…wrong. It is just," he took a quiet calming breath and decided to let fate take its course. "I would like to know, have you ever had a male lover before?" //That was not what you wanted to ask him!// he chided himself. //Hush, it’s a start,// he replied, seeing the shocked and slight smile upon his secret love's face. 

Julian gave a soft embarrassed giggle, "Ah…yes…um…" he blinked a few times, and then as if it suddenly became clear to him, the leading question, the diner by candle light, his eyes grew very serious. "Oh no," he whispered, perhaps not even aware of the words being spoken out loud. "Please no," he added in a similar tone, like a prayer, his eyes filled with….pain and something else not easily understood. 

Garak didn't need to be hit over the head; it was now quiet clear that Julian didn't see him in such a capacity. In fact, the idea seemed to almost horrify the poor boy. Garak started his inward withdraw, "I was merely wondering, my dear Doctor, no reason to panic," he tried to comment, attempting to salvage what was left of their now shattered friendship. //Should have kept my mouth shut!// he told himself firmly. 

Staring at Garak for what felt like a painful eternity, Julian saw Garak's withdraw and the hurt of his apparent rejection. He couldn't bear to see it or let his dearest friend feel responsible for his actions. "It isn't you," he replied, placing a tentative hand on Garak's wrist. It was Garak's almost icy glare, though it lasted for only a moment when it looked at their point of contact, that Julian knew the depth of the hurt he caused. 

"Of course it's not me, my dear boy, I was merely making an inquiry," he commented, trying to reflect any input or discussion on the matter. 

"Garak, please," Julian insisted, not going to let this go, it was too important. If they were going to lose their friendship, it would be with the truth, something he should have shared with in the beginning. "It's not you, it's me…" he tried to say, but Garak pulled away and rose from the sofa. 

"Please, Doctor, lets drop this ridiculous conversation…"

"It's me," Julian replied, following suit, not going to let this go, for he like Garak had his own stubborn factor, and he knew Garak was hurting. 

Seeing that Julian was not going to let this go, he decided to entertain his emotions, "Very well, it's you. You do not find me attractive, you are not into males…It's you," he growled, some of the hurt from the rejection stinging his heart. 

Julian wiped his eyes, the prickle of his own tears threatening to come forth. "No, I…I do find you attractive and I…like…men…you in particularly…" he tried to explain. 

This of course got Garak's attention, "You…do…find me attractive?" he asked, now unsure of what was the cause of Julian's rejection. "It is because of my past?" he reasoned. 

Fighting back tears, Julian shook his head no, "It's because of my past, Garak, not yours. I…if I had known…if…." he sighed, not knowing how to give words to his folly. 

No longer blinded by hurt, he moved closer to offer comfort and was stunned by Julian's desperate flight across the room. This only served to deepen his concern. //Was he raped?// he wondered, horrified that someone would do this to such a bright soul. 

"Please, don't touch me…you won't want too after I tell you," Julian replied nervously, wrapping his slender arms around himself for support. He didn't want to mention this, but deep down he knew he'd never be able to avoid it. He had seen how Garak had flirted with him. How the spy turned tailor started to care for him, he wasn't as blind as he pretended to be. He was no longer as naive as he portrayed either, but his worldliness came at a price…a heavy price. 

"Doctor…Julian, there is nothing you can say…" he tried to offer. 

Julian gave a slight hysterical laugh, "Don't be too hasty," he replied short. Then he glanced at the tailor, "No…I wasn't raped…not in the way you think," he clarified. 

"I…don't understand…" 

"I'll tell you, but you need to sit down, remain quiet until I'm finished and then…let me leave okay?" 

Garak nodded, he'd listen and he'd remain silent, but he had no intentions of simply letting Julian leave. He was definitely in some emotional pain. He took a seat on the sofa, the wine long since forgotten, and waited. 

Julian bit his lip, trying to think of the best way to break the new to his dear…dear Cardassian friend…love. He indeed did love Garak, with a passion, but it could never be. "Since I know you are a knowledgeable man, I'm sure you've heard of T'ser'Kresh disease, right?" he looked over at Garak, and then recalled he had asked him to remain silent, but he saw the nod yes and the look of what it had to do with him. "I'm sure you're thinking, what does a Cardassian disease, which is quiet fatal to Cardassian's have to do with me," he laughed, but there was little humor in his voice. He couldn't look at Garak, he just had to blurt it out and get this over with. "Well, were the disease is sexually transmitted and thus fatal to Cardassians…Humans…well, it turns out that Humans are carriers. They…." he swallowed hard, "We, don't die from it, but we can pass it to other humans, thus if they ever had a Cardassian lover in their life, that lover would die from it. The only real solution is for that person to become…celibate." 

Garak couldn't hold his tongue any longer, "I never knew you had a Cardassian lover who had died…" he started to be cut off. 

"I didn't have a lover," Julian spat with such venom. "I had sex, and that…..that bastard did this to me on purpose!" he fumed with intense rage. 

Garak was taken back by the hostility from the young, normally so compassionate, healer. "How do you know it was on purpose…" 

"Because that son of a bitch is still alive," growled Julian, as he faced Garak, this time no longer holding the tears of pain back. "I've only been with one male…a Cardassian male at that, and I contracted the disease shortly after that. When I tried to…to help…he…he" he turned away as vile humiliating recollections filled him. 

Suddenly he was wrapped in a strong embrace and he fought to be let go, but not too hard or he had have won; soon he gave in and sobbed desperately in Garak's arms. "I'm sorry, so very sorry," he said over and over again. 

"Who did this to you?" Garak gently inquired, having a terrible, horrible feeling at who it might be. 

Julian pushed away, this time able to break the hold, and wiped his face, while turning his back to Garak. "I was foolish, stupid to think I knew anything. I didn't know I would fall in love…but he did," he stated, his voice split between self hate and hatred, the closest Garak had ever heard from this gentle soul's lips. "He must have known I'd fall for you or at leas be attracted to you. I don't think he believed I would have detected it, since Human's don't have symptoms…it was a fluke really. He either thought I'd fall for you or pass it onward, playing the odds that I'd bed someone who would have slept with you or perhaps simply Cardassian's in general…I really can't say." 

"Why didn't you tell me," Garak asked no judgment or anger in his voice, just pure concern. 

"Because…." Julian looked back, not quiet meeting Garak's eyes. "Because you'd eventually want to know who…and I never wanted to hurt you…but it seems I have nonetheless. I tried to play ignorant, hoping, desperately hoping you'd move on with your affections…I could never…" he closed his eyes and a tear slipped along the lush dark eyelashes until it finally fell down a dusty cheek. "I do love you, Garak, with all my heart I do, but we can 'never' be lovers. Even with precautions the risk is too high…" 

"Don't you think I should have some say in this," Garak countered, moving forward to embrace his love, but saw the fear in Julian's eyes. "I do not have a death wish, nor would I choose to use you in such a manner if I did," he assured his all too young friend. He was livid inside that anyone would harm his Julian this way. Indeed, no matter what, some part of Julian would always be his. He once more moved forward and saw Julian's hesitation, but was glad he allowed the embrace, for he too took consolation in holding his love. He rubbed his hand gently up Julian's back. 

"No, Garak, I will not give you say in this matter," Julian muttered, his face buried in Garak's neck. "I've run the tests, checked the numbers and the odds are too high, I 'won't' risk you," he pulled back to face him, his face set with determination, "I won't lose you for a brief moment of passion. You mean too much to me…I won't do it." 

Seeing the love and the fire in Julian's eyes set his own hear afire and he understood; it would be cruel to put Julian through the stress of possibly infecting him should any of the precautions failed; it would only have to fail once and it would kill not only himself but Julian, whose precious spirit would die along with him. "Not to worry my Jahkim, I have no intentions of pushing the matter farther," he assured honestly. 

Julian wiped his face as he blinked at the amazing man before him, "Beloved?" he questioned. 

Garak smiled, "Seems you were paying attention to the Cardassian lessons I have been sharing with you all these years," he teased warmly. Then he let his gaze turn a bit more seriously, "Yes, you are my beloved, Julian. I can no more deny it now than will myself to stop breathing. It seems that Dukat has had his revenge…"

"How did you know?" Julian gasped with horror. 

Garak caressed the smooth tear stained cheek, and gave a reassuring smile that he was not upset at Julian, "He is the only one I know capable of such travesties and….deceitful enough to mask his true intent when he desires to. For that, 'I' am sorry. He obviously sought you out knowing my interest in beautiful, witty, intelligent men," he smiled, partially sincere, partially loving. 

 

Julian looked down and gave a soft sigh, then looked up, his eyes bright from the tears that were not gone, "Now what? It'll be…difficult to simply go back to the way it was, but I don't want to lose your friendship…"

"You my precious, Jahkim, will never lose my friendship or my love. We simply will be…just a bit more than friends, but less than lovers. We will be all we can with each other as we face the limits placed before us, there is nothing else. I have never loved another and I know I will not, and you, my sweet Beloved have chosen wisely a cold and cruel path of celibacy other than spreading around that terrible disease. But you will not travel that path alone, that is what 'we' shall do now," he said firmly. 

"Oh, Garak," Julian sobbed softly, hugging his love with all he had, wishing so much that there could be more. "I'll find a cure," he promised. 

Garak hugged his love tight in return, "I have all the confidence in the universe that if anyone can, it will be you, my Jahkim. But in the meantime, we will still be together," he assured him. Then he gently let him go, "Now, how about we finish off that good wine I spent a small fortune for, then go to bed…" Seeing the hesitation Garak smiled assuredly, "Sleep, my Jahkim, that and the warmth of my body…" 

"No, it would be too tempting," Julian admitted. "Though I trust you're resolve, even now I feel mine weakening…no. How about we finish the wine, say good night and I meet you for lunch tomorrow, moving forward but still keeping things intact," Julian suggested. 

Garak agreed, for he believed that if Julian felt tempted and gave in, he too might do so. His hidden depths once more making itself know to him. "A wise course of action," he replied softly. "Then lunch it will be…every day, dinner every night," he stated, taking Julian's hand in his own and held it to his cheek. 

Julian didn't know if this would last or if he'd be forced to leave DS9 if his love for Garak became too strong and a cure was not found, but he would cross that bridge when it came. For now, he would accept the love offered and give his own; it would have to be enough…for now. 

The end.


End file.
